Everything's a Story
REMEMBERING ALL YOUR NEGLECTED RESPONSIBILITIES AT ONCE LIKE
If only I was given a dollar for every time I made myself look stupid in front of a cute person
baby: destroy capitalism
karl marx: nice
There’s a Canadian university which built a “Puppy Room” inside its campus. Its purpose is to allow students to go and play with puppies to relieve stress and tension.
today at the bookstore i asked the lady working if she had any lgbtq books that i could check out and her eyes magnified in what i mistook as horror and i thought i had offended her and then she said “i have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement i’ve been waiting for someone to finally ask” and she all but burst down the stairs to get them for me
"I have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement" is my new go-to pickup line
How To Train Your Humans
Give me a goddamn cup of coffee you shitty sunnuva fuckbasket.
ARE YOU POURING MILK IN DIPPIN DOTS YOU WHORE???!?!?! ARE YOU STUPID. DO NOT TAINT DIPPIN DOTS. DIPPIN DOTS ARE PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT YOUR HELP. BARBARIAN.
that is a spoon